Saturday, January 12, 2013

10 Steps to Becoming a Feminine Woman


I originally started this blog, The Proper Lady, in order to write about how to be elegant, how to be an elegant woman, and how to be a lady. Although the material on those topics are still among the most popular with my readership, the turn I took two years ago towards  writing about femininity and how to be a feminine woman as well has also proven immensely popular with my readers.

I think this is because many women wanting to learn how to be elegant realize that in order to answer the question, "How do I become more elegant?" one also has to answer the question, "How do I become more feminine?"

Thankfully, both materials are popular here on this blog and are what keep my readers coming back for more. :-)

Although I truly do enjoy writing many articles on answering those questions, I felt that it was important for me to finally have an article that tells you how to be feminine in a way that's broken down.

So, here's my article that tells you "10 Steps to Becoming a Feminine Woman".

I'm pleased to see that more women are showing an interest in learning how to be more feminine. I think this is partly because the stereotype of feminine women being weak has been debunked -- we now know that being feminine requires just as much strength as being masculine, just a different kind of strength.

Are you ready to become a feminine woman of immense power? :-))

(1) Look the Part

Femininity isn't about appearance, but about your energy -- who you are, how you move, the way you speak, what you stand for, your personality, and the energy you radiate. I believe that much. However, first impressions are important and it's hard for people to see the authentically feminine you if you seem masculine to them at first glance.

If you're masculine at first glance, many people won't stick around long enough to see whether you are made up of feminine energy.

Take the time to make sure that your appearance feels feminine to you. Having trouble? Aim for looking the opposite of how a masculine man usually looks.

Think: soft skin, long shiny hair, feminine clothing, etc.

(2) Do What Makes you Feel Feminine

Just like how feeling sexy makes you sexy, feeling feminine makes you feminine. If you feel like a feminine woman, then you will find yourself acting like a feminine woman, with feminine energy radiating from within.

Find your personal femininity infusers, little things that make you feel more feminine, and then do them.

Examples of femininity infusers involve dancing, lingerie, and spending time with yourself to listen to your soul and to your body.

(3) Become Comfortable with your Body

Speaking of spending time listening to your body, it's important that you learn to become comfortable with your body as a feminine woman.

A good idea is to spend time dancing -- you can take a class or just turn off the lights in your bedroom and move your body to the music in a way that feels right, all that matters is that you're doing what feels natural to your body and that you're becoming more comfortable with how your body feels and how it moves. This exercise can really help to bring out your authentic feminine energy! :-))

(4) Learn to Stop Judging and Start Accepting

One of my favorite qualities of feminine women is their acceptance

Feminine women live by the motto: "Stop judging and start accepting." 

Refraining from instant judgement and learning to just accept others for who they are and offer unconditional love is a hallmark of feminine energy and the feminine woman.

When you meet someone, resist the masculine urge to make snap judgements about others and instead, take on the feminine quality of being open to what the person may have to show you and what they may even have to teach you about life, and accept and unconditionally love them the way that they are, flaws and all, without judging, having critical thoughts, or hoping that they'd change their behavior.

Stop judging and start listening!

(5) Learn to be Vulnerable

One of the most important traits that you can learn as someone who wants to become a feminine woman is to be vulnerable.

This is also one of the most challenging parts of learning to become feminine -- life is tough
The brutality that life can sometimes be has forced women to give up their vulnerability and replace it with coldness, hardness, and a "don't mess with me" attitude an facial expression.

We go through life with this attitude and facial expression to protect ourselves because we believe that if we learn how to embrace vulnerability, we'll get hurt or taken advantage of.

A feminine vulnerable woman isn't a woman who thinks she'll never get hurt, but a woman who believes that getting hurt is a part of life and that you can't let it stop you from being vulnerable.

(6)  Learn to Speak Like a Feminine Woman

The Kyoto geisha used femininity to be attractive to men and the maiko, or geisha in training, who were considered the hallmark of Japanese femininity, spoke a special dialect that was considered to be more feminine and gentle than the Japanese others spoke.

If your voice is masculine, loud, and hard, no matter how feminine your behavior is, you're going to come off as being masculine, loud, and hard to others.

To learn how to be a feminine woman, practice speaking in a way that's more gentle and high-pitched than before.

(7) Stop Competing with Other Women

"How to be a feminine woman?" One thing you can do is learn to stop competing with other women and instead learn to start helping other women and rooting for them!

Feminine women don't compete with other women. 

They compete with themselves and strive to be the best they can be, but they can do this without constantly eying other women, watching their every move, comparing themselves to them, and hoping that they'll fail where they'll succeed.

This is not the behavior or the demeanor of the feminine woman!!

Yes, it is true that in a sense those of us who are unmarried might be competing for the limited men available, but you seek to meet good men by becoming the most feminine you can be instead of eying other women and seeking to be more feminine than they are.

After all, why not make it about self-improvement and keep on becoming more feminine and attractive every single day instead of just stopping as soon as you are more feminine than the most feminine girl? 

That just sounds romantically irresponsible -- your romantic partner deserves your best effort, not a better effort than someone else. You deserve your best effort -- you owe it to yourself!

(8) Learn to Walk like a Feminine Woman

If you want to learn how to become a feminine woman, you also have to learn a feminine walk. It is so important to walk and move like a feminine woman if you want to be one -- there is great different in the way a masculine man walks and a feminine woman walks.;-))

A masculine man walks with his shoulders, moving and swaying them, and he walks with great purpose (which is understandable, since he's filled with goal-oriented masculine energy). His footsteps are often hard but sure.

The feminine woman, though, will walk with more gentleness and grace (as feminine energy is). She will not move her shoulders while walking like a man does. The feminine woman walks with her hips. ;-))

She takes light steps and subtly and gracefully moves her hips as she walks in a way that feels natural, and she walks more slowly than a masculine man. The masculine man walks quickly in his purposeful way, as if he's in a rush, but a feminine woman is serene and at peace and so she does not walk like she is in a rush, for she isn't.

If you are in a rush, learn to not speedwalk, but to almost hop your way over, taking fast but small steps, one after another, to the point where your head is bobbing up and down. This looks happy, despite the fact that you are late somewhere.

More on this in my article: Feminine Skill: Mastering the Feminine Walk.

(9) Learn Gentleness

This one is so important! The feminine woman is gentle -- this is why her friends and her masculine man feel safe around her. :-))

This is also where other women mess up (lucky for us in the love department, maybe). Too many women today are the opposite of gentle: they nag, they criticize, they yell and speak with raised voices, they curse, they're blunt, they brag, and they openly call other women "sluts" (excuse me). 

Many women take pride in their rough, hard, and dark masculine personalities, thinking that it makes them seem strong and tough.

However, masculine men don't want tough. They want strong, yes, but not "tough." They want the feminine woman's gentle strength and gentle demeanor. 

To become a feminine woman, you have to refine your rough edges. Learn to do everything as gently as you can -- learn to speak in a gentle manner, learn to pick things up in a gentle manner, learn to criticize in a constructive tactful, and gentle way instead of the critical way of a nag, learn to be more humble, choose more gentle wordchoice, and for goodness sake, stop swearing!

(10) Love Yourself

The final step in becoming a feminine woman is to love yourself! A feminine woman is made up of love that she gives to other people but also love that she gives herself. 

She loves herself unconditionally and when she looks in the mirror, she thinks herself a most spectacular feminine creature (while also holding onto humility).

She loves herself unconditionally and she also learns to forgive herself. Remember Step 10 when you are going through these '10 Steps to Becoming a Feminine Woman' because it won't be easy to master them. You'll need to never beat yourself up over messing up on a step and instead give yourself a hug, congratulate yourself for trying, forgive yourself for not getting it, and simply try again!

Well, that's all for my article "10 Steps to Becoming a Feminine Woman." I hope you liked it -- if you did or have a woman in your life you love and care about who might want to read this, please share it on Facebook, Twitter, or simply through email. It helps me a lot when you do so. :-))

If you enjoyed this article, then you might enjoy these products (all of which can be accessed with a "Feminine Darling Membership"):
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Anonymous said...

Wow, another wonderful post!
Thank you so much, Miss Nina, for sharing this helpful information with us. :-)
I do have a little question:
Earlier, in one of your posts you described an exercise routine you used to obtain the particular shape you wanted. Your ideal shaped seemed to be exactly the same as mine.
If you could, and it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you describe what exact exercises you used?
Thank you again!

Jessica said...

Another gem -- this blog is changing my life, please continue with it.

Lisa said...

Another fantastic post. Your blog has helped me so much in the last few years in all areas of my life, from relationships to careers and to self-confidence. I just want to say "thank you". xo

Anonymous said...

It'd be nice if you included pictures of feminine, plus size women.

Anonymous said...

I am really impressed by your article. It nicely summarizes everything a real woman should strive to be and shows what real man is looking for in a woman.


Anonymous said...

I really love the topic and your points about becoming more feminine. Maybe its my age (40) or maybe the area of the country I'm in, but I feel like its condescending to say 'sweetheart' and 'darling' to strangers. It seriously may just be me. I mean no disrespect in telling you. I just wonder if other women will feel the same and lose the message because of it.

Anonymous said...

This blog is changing my life too! you are so kind to teach us all this all! I have a question: what are you inspirations (if you have one)? and being vulnerable won't make me hurt myself? Thank you, you're so sweet!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for posting this, it's changing my life too! I have two questions: what are your inspirations to become more feminine? and being vulnerable won't make me hurt myself?

Nina Pundarik-Dossin said...

Hello, Anonymous,

My inspirations would be anything and anyone who seems feminine to me, because there are so many different kinds of feminine. But the inspirations I usually come back to repeatedly would be the historic feminine women like Jackie Kennedy, Audrey Hepburn, Brigitte Bardot, and Grace Kelly! :-))

And being vulnerable won't bring you any serious harm as long as you keep your head on straight and are selective about the people you show your vulnerability with. :-))


Anonymous said...

Hello Nina
At this stage I am a cross dresser learning all about being and behaved truly feminine, so I have done lot of research and in my opinion this is the best writing about being feminine I have found because you explain very clear the essence of be feminine and teach us how to get it.
Thank you

vliin said...

Hello Nina, I came across your blog looking into the topic of accepting femininity (for a lack of proper role models in real life and many other reasons) and yours was one of the first to pop up. I had almost not opened your blog, as the title of this post combined with the title of your blog itself left me with a very different impression than the one I had after reading the entire article. I thought it was going to be all about appearance. (See, masculine judgement got the better of me!) However, it was very refreshing, insightful and delicate, a pleasure to read, and incredibly reassuring. Our current world is lacking in inner femininity, or rather the appreciation of it. I feel we could and should educate each other more, and that the Internet is a great help, so thank you for this great initiative!

Anonymous said...

Ty for posting this :) im a teenager, my friends & family said that im tomboy, i want to be a little feminine but i dont know how because i don't like wearing skirts and something that girly :/ Can you help me, maybe with some of your advice? It will help me a lot^^ Thanks!

hf said...

I'm an adult women and after reading your material, I don't agree with what the full article suggests a feminine women is. I don't think first of all that a judgement is masculine or in any way bad. I think this could be seen as masculine thoughts are wrong therefore men are wrong and make judgements. I don't believe women must have a vulnerable outlook. This may be appealing for men but you can be charming and pleasant without being necessarily vunerable if this trait is toob uncomfortable and possibly painful for a girl. Just some thoughts, if I were writing this, I would revise and read up on women who are said to be feminine and why.

Lissa said...

Hi Nina!
I am a 14 year old girl who thinks this blog is absolutely amazing. Femininity has become a wonderful part of my life and through it I have learned so much about the world and myself. To me, being female is such a gift, while always appreciating my power and strength (I am a black belt in Kung Fu)!
I also have a passion for reading, writing, music, and art, and am always exploring, learning, and finding inspiration from new ideas.
And thank you so much for inspiring me and many others through this blog!

Anonymous said...

LoVe it!!!! Thanks..

Alice Britt said...

Hi Nina

Wow thanks a lot for these suggestions on how to be a better person, you really help put things in to focus ive never thought about stuff that way before, I cant wait to better my way of thinking and being with our selfs and others, thanks for your view point

Love you a bunch you pretty thing

Daniel Perea said...

Hello! First of all, I'm a man. I found your post in a google search, as I was talking to a very close female friend about how many women feels there are not many good man left. I was telling her that, as much as think that statement is true, there is also another factor that make them feel this way.

A feminine women knows exactly what a true good man Is, but when women forgets how to be feminine they also forget what a Good man is, they start failing to recognize a good man when they meet one. If you want a good man in your life, you have to know what a good man wants in a women. They want Feminine Women, and they know how to recogninze a women who is not in a blink and they will just not be interested in her.

Show them a women who judge and don't accept, Who is always on the defensive (instead of being confident enough that they are not scared of being vulnerable). A women who is competing or even worst, covets her friends and other women, and they will run away from them.

Thank you for your great job at empowering women to become more feminine

A grateful Man.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, I love reading and learning from your beautiful site.
Please keep it up!

be the it girl said...

Awesome basic yet practical steps every woman can follow to become more feminine. Love love love it!

Sakinah said...

Nina, a well thought out article. :) As a 35 yr old wife and mother, many of your tips ring true as far as looking to the happiness of myself AND the man in my life! Thank you for some great reminders. I do however think some of your message is questionable and hope it doesn't leave girls who are "different" uninspired. IMO to be feminine is not easily defined. Just as a "feminine" figure cannot be defined as a specific shape, a "feminine" demeanor, voice or walk is not narrowly defined. When I'm in a rush... as most mothers often are lol... I have no problem sprinting if need be, and don't have the time to hop and bob -- but I lose none of my femininity in the process! When we are most true to ourselves, whatever way that may be, we will naturally attract the BEST man for us. He will love us for who we authentically are, just as we are. That being said your tips are great to regain or embrace our natural womanly ways! Especially like the reminder to watch the way we SPEAK and TREAT OTHERS! :)