Eating Out Money Tips

Café Central, Vienna.

In the past week on TheProperLady.com's Facebook page, I've asked my readers for some of their best money-saving tips in this bad economy.

The top one that was mentioned involved eating in instead of dining out. Not only is it healthier and cheaper, but it also gives you a great chance for family time when you prepare the meal together.

I couldn't agree more which is why the only thing I love more than cooking for my loved ones is cooking with my loved ones! I don't know why, but every time I do, I just feel like I bonded with them.

However, there are times when it's hard to just eat at home. This could include traveling together as a family, holding a business dinner and not wanting to entertain at home at a hostess, or holding a celebratory meal (and once again not wanting to hostess).

But of course, eating out can be and often is a very expensive affair. I'm going to give you some money-saving tips when it comes to eating out in restaurants.

Can a Woman Be a Lady Without Being Feminine?

Alfred Sung.

Women come in all shapes, sizes, and styles. Some of us are tall, some of us are petite. Some of us are aggressive and assertive, while some of us are soft-spoken and gentle. Some of us are playful while some of us are more serious.

Also, some of us are masculine while some are feminine, and some of us are ladylike and some of us are not.

But does femininity/masculinity have anything to do with whether or not we're ladies?

I've been asked this a few different times by my readers and it's a tricky question.

 Can you really not be a lady if you're not feminine? 

I think that one of the key indicators as to whether or not a woman is a lady is the caliber of her femininity. It's just not really possible to be a lady if you're not feminine.

Let me explain:

Being a true lady, to me, is about warmth, love, and the consideration for the feelings of others. In my point of view, as long as you show care and concern for the feelings of others, you are well-mannered, regardless of what fork you use.

Now, think about feminine energy (or at least what I believe to be feminine energy). On TheProperLady.com, I write that true feminine energy and true femininity is about warmth, love, generosity, and an energy of giving.

Those seem to go hand-in-hand to me. A feminine woman, a woman of warmth, love, and generosity, should care for the feelings of others, and in the stroke, a lady who cares for the feelings of others can perhaps best do so through warmth, love, and generosity.

A Post About My Sponsors for my British Readers

A Hungarian Doctor (1836), Geirnaert Theodore Joseph Louis.

Now comes the time when I must stop and give a little shout-out to the beautiful sponsors of TheProperLady.com that make it possible for me to devote more time to the site. This particular sponsor is more relevant to my readers in the UK who are interested in a profession in medicine.

The site offers free information on the gp exam, on the gp recruitment process, on the gp application, and on then gpst stage 3 interview.

I think that all of the different levels of the medical career can be quite elegant depending on what you do with it (do you use your skills purely for personal gain, or do you also use them for charity work for people who can't afford good healthcare?). However, it's also an extremely challenging profession to get into because there are so many tests and years of medical school, not to mention the residency period.

Being in the United States, I'm wasn't too sure how it works in the UK until I received this lovely sponsorship, but I can now see how challenging it can be.

I hope that my sponsor helps my British readers to achieve their desired medical profession by giving them the resources and information that they need.

Making Extra Money Online

As most of you must already know, I'm a huge proponent of being a stay at home mom/wife, because I think that there's no job more dignified and more challenging than devoting your time to caring for your loved ones. People who work outside of the home get out of work, but you are always in the office and your time never ends.

However, in this economy, it's often very challenging to follow our dreams when our dreams involve staying at home and caring for loved ones. Homes and households are just no longer as stable as they used to be.

That's why it's a good idea to find some ways to make money at home if you're a stay at home mom or homemaker/housewife. As good of a provider as your partner might be, things at this time tend to be unpredictable and it's always good for you to make some extra pocket money here and there because when you do, you can put more money into savings for rainy days or in case of an emergency.

I'm going to tell you now some of my better work-at-home ideas for picking up some extra cash here and there.

(1) Amazon Mechanical Turk

For those of you who don't know what this is, this site is run by the makers of Amazon.com and it's almost like an online work place for those who are looking for little easy jobs that machines and computers can't do. You'll only make about 15 cents for most jobs, but most of those jobs take about 3 minutes to complete. If you keep at it, you can make a few dollars each hour.

(2) Scour.com

I'd be a bit more weary of this one because we're still not sure if it's a scam or not since it's a new idea that might seem too good to be true. Scour.com pays you to search the internet. Yes, I did write that correctly and you did read that correctly. Scour.com pays you to search the internet as long as you are actively searching. The goal is to vote on which results are most relevant to your search and to comment.

This helps to make search engines more accurate.

(3) Computer/Internet Related Skills

This one can actually really make a big difference if you have any skills to capitalize on. The internet grows more and more each day and people are looking for people with skills that can help them to take advantage of it.

If you know how to design blog templates or Twitter backgrounds, those are great things to capitalize on. If you have enough skill with it, you can even offer to create them from scratch so that blogs looking to be more professional can purchase your services to make sure that their look is unique.

You can also work for an international affiliate network online like Blue Global Media, one of my sponsors. Blue Global Media is a financial affiliate program (which means that it has Affiliate payday loans among other things financially related). I've personally never trusted the concept of payday loans and cash advances because I feel like they might be taking advantage of people's horrible situations and agreeing to loan you money with ridiculously high interest as long as you pay it back within 2 weeks (which is a very short time). It seems to me that somebody who needs a payday loan is in a desperate situation and these places are banking on the idea that you won't be able to pay it back in time.

However, I do not think that you need to take out a payday loan or anything of that sort to be an affiliate with Blue Global Media so I would definitely recommend checking them out anyway.

(4) Writing Online

There are many great sites online that will pay you to write quality content for them and the pay rate can often be pretty good. People are looking for freelancers and articles all the time and are sometimes willing to pay large sums of money if you're to give them the publishing rights.

Have any of you found any other ways to make money online? Anything that has worked for you? Anything that ended up to be a scam?

The Ins and Outs of French Table Etiquette - Guest Article by Daphne Coleman

The Ins and Outs of French Table Etiquette
If you’re planning to travel abroad to France anytime soon, there are a few things you should know about French table manners and etiquette. Table manners in the US are often regarded as obsolete, except for during formal occasions or business-type dinners. The French, however, are truly very serious about their table manners, and there are some pretty major differences that should be pointed out for any potential travelers. In order to stay on your host’s good side and avoid seriously offending them, you need to follow these rules of etiquette while in France.

Preparing for the Meal
The French have a different idea of casual dress. You want to make sure to dress with care. Men should wear a dark suit, while women should dress in a classy suit or gown. Revealing clothes are frowned upon. Always accessorize. In France, it’s all in the detail. In order to make a good impression you must appear to have taken the time to meticulously dress yourself. You will want to start dressing ahead of time. You don’t want to be late. When invited for a meal, in France, you want to do your best to be punctual. If you’re any more than 10 minutes late, it’s necessary to call and explain why you are being held up. It’s best to try to be on time, you don’t want to offend your host or hostess before you even make it to the dinner table.

Before the Meal
Once seated, wait until your hostess’ napkin is placed in her lap before you do the same. You, also, should not drink until the host has made a toast. At the end of the toast, you’re required to say “Santé!” and clink glasses. Santé is French for “health,” and it is the equivalent of the American expression, “cheers.” It’s also important to remember to keep your hands top of the table at all times. Contrary to the American custom of placing your hands in your lap, the French consider this to be rude.

During the Meal
In France, the meals consist of five courses – an appetizer, main course, salad, cheese, and dessert. Bread is available throughout the entire meal. When you get your bread, do not put it on your plate. The bread goes on the table cloth, above your fork. Never bite into a piece of bread. It’s important to break pieces off before eating them. Often times, the same plate is used throughout all of the five courses, so you must always finish your plate. When you finish, break off a piece of bread and use your fork to clean your plate of any sauces to prepare for the next course. During the meal, wine will be made available consistently. If you finish your glass, more will be poured. If you don’t wish to have any more wine, simply leave a small amount in your glass. If you do want more, finish your glass completely. Also, remember that the French use cutlery for everything. They even use knives and forks for eating fruit. When eating a salad, fold it onto your fork with your knife, rather than cutting it. To signal that you have finished your plate, you should lay your fork and knife alongside each other vertically across your plate.

It’s also important to remember not to take flowers to the hostess. However, it is okay to send them either before or after the dinner. If you follow these steps, you should get by with only a few minor missteps. Keep your elbows off the table, make eye contact, and be respectful and you should wow and dazzle your French host and hostess.

http://www.europe-cities.com/en/662/france/eating-out/etiquette/
http://www.ehow.com/how_2228054_follow-french-table-manners.html
http://wedunroamin.blogspot.com/2007/05/table-etiquette-in-france.html

Daphne Coleman likes to travel and believes in the importance of adhering to locals manners and customs when traveling. She is a contributing author at www.travelinsurance.org. 

Not Taking Any Opportunities for Granted

A Woman Walking in a Garden, Vincent van Goh. 

Hi Lovelies,

Here on TheProperLady.com, I try to write and publish material that's relevant to you and to your diverse situations. Unfortunately, with the way things look when it comes to the economy, many of you are in situations where money is a bit tight and you don't have as much disposable income as you'd like (or even needed income).

The journey to becoming an elegant and feminine woman can seem even harder when you don't have any resources because it seems like you're missing out on a lot of opportunities to further your elegance and refinement education.

That's why here on TheProperLady.com, I do my best to provide you with accessible resources, from the 450+ free articles available here on this site, to the complimentary newsletter, to the free-to-join Facebook community, to the inexpensive paid newsletters (like the "Culture and Sophistication Monthly") newsletter, to the inexpensive e-courses, and finally, to the inexpensive e-reports.

It's important for me as a writer of TheProperLady.com and a firm believer in generosity and charity to give you accessible resources, dove, and to have the majority always be completely free of charge. When you have limited financial mobility, it's important for you to take advantage of every opportunity that you have.

I would like to alert you about a career opportunity brought to you by one of my most loving sponsors. Enrollment agents are professions that are likely to always be around because, like doctors, there is always a need for them. Enrollment agents are people who have the privilege of representing taxpayers, negotiating with the IRS. The link leads you to a site that gives you an enrolled agent study guide for the enrolled agent examination.

In this time, it's important to take advantage of all of the opportunities and resources at our disposal, and I hope to continue to provide you with resources to help you along your journey to elegance.

An Introduction to Golf

As many of you probably already know, I'm a big backer of sports. I think that they're great for your health and that they can also teach you great character traits, like sportsmanship, leadership, and persistence in working for your goal.

Please see my article: Classy Sporting

A sport that I've gotten into a lately is golf. I think it's a great sport for summer because it's a bit more relaxing and sometimes, it doesn't seem safe to work out vigorously outside in the heat when it's 100+ degrees Fahrenheit.

It can be a very enjoyable sport and is a good social sport. As much as I love my two favorite sports of tennis and equestrianism, it's really hard to speak to carry on a conversation with your opponent. With golf, it's much easier to do so.

It's very important to have the right equipment when playing golf. These include golf clubs (of course), golf shoes, golf wedges, and golf gloves. You can find most equipment at any reputable sporting goods store (like Sports Authority and Dick's Sporting Goods) and also any specialty stores specializing in golf equipment.

This is a fairly new sporting hobby of mine (I've been playing on and off for a few years but I've only just recently become more serious about it and dedicated to practice) so I look forward to sharing with you a few more articles on golfing.

The next golfing article will be about golfing fashion so I look forward to sharing that with you.

Second Chances

Kate Middleton started out as a bit of a wild child (although a great student) and
then underwent a huge transformation to become an elegant woman. 

Hi Doves,

Can you still be an elegant woman with a slow start or with a vulgar past? This is a question that I get very often from readers who email me. As a matter of fact, I've gotten 7 emails asking me this in the last two weeks: that's almost one email every two days!

This is obviously an important subject to address because it's one that most women on the new and sudden pursuit of elegance are sure to think of at one point or another. After all, there's so much talk of upbringing and lineage when it comes to elegant circles, so it can be scary for those of us who have no blue blood lineage or who have a more vulgar and wild past.

Fortunately, here on TheProperLady.com, I believe that one can be elegant without a "classy" old money lineage and also, at the same time, one can also be very vulgar coming from the most flawless bloodline imaginable because in the end, elegance is about the way that you carry yourself and the way that you treat other people.

I don't want to say that your past doesn't matter because it does, dear ones. Your decisions are what defines who you are and so it's only logical that your past decisions matter and affect your reputation.

However, your decisions from here on out matter even more because with your new decisions, you have the chance to reinvent yourself and patch up where you went wrong.

Every person makes mistakes because that's just a part of being a human being. We can't be perfect and well-behaved every second of every day. But there are other things that make a huge difference, such as taking responsibility for your actions and setting out to hold yourself differently from then on.

Doting on a Family in Tough Economic Times

When I think of an elegant woman, I think of a woman who perfectly balances the qualities of nurture/care and independence/strength. One of my favorite qualities about an elegant woman is how much she cares and sacrifices for her family and friends. She's truly a caring woman.

But unfortunately, due to the challenging financial situations that many of us are in in this touch economy, it can be truly difficult to care for our family in the way that we may wish because our resources and funds are limited.

In this article, I hope to share some of my favorite tips to save money without sacrificing the quality of the care that you give to your household.

One of my favorite things is to buy wholesale (I'm a member of Costco). You often get more so that it's cheaper in the end. Of course, this could end up costing you if what you buy goes bad before you can finish eating it, so buy wholesale what you consume often.

If you don't think that you're going to consume it often enough to finish it while it's still good, then it's best not to buy it because you'll end up having wasted your money.

It's also good to consider buying supplies wholesale as well, not just ingredients. PeachSuite Wholesale Hotel & Restaurant Supplier sells wholesale many things for the kitchen, dining room and bathroom. The site is actually designed for selling Hotel Supplies & Catering Supplies, but nothing's stopping regular families from using their services as well. Looking at Hotel Supply stores and websites is a great way to save on supplies that you need and dispose of regularly, like shower curtains.

Another idea is to start a vegetable garden. This is one of those projects that are very time consuming and not at all money-saving at the beginning, but once things start growing regularly, can really save you money. Unfortunately, you won't notice the money saved until later on but once you have vegetables growing regularly (especially ones that you use often), you'll notice saved money on your grocery bill.

What other ways do you save money without cutting down on quality with your loved ones?

Femininity of the Japanese Geisha

"A geisha is like the sun," says the okaasan. "When she walks into a room, it becomes brighter." -http://www.cntraveler.com/features/2009/10/My-Life-as-a-Geisha

Hi Dove,

Any of my longtime readers on TheProperLady.com knows that I love to travel and experience other cultures. I believe that every single culture in the world has something to teach us about elegance and femininity, doves! Every single nation and every single person is a miraculous thing of beauty, so it's foolish to be closed off to the valuable and feminine lessons that other cultures might desire to teach us.

One of my favorite elegant and feminine cultures that I study is the culture of Japanese geisha. I think that they exemplify the highest degree of elegance and femininity, so who better to teach us about how to embrace our femininity and feminine core?

When I first started writing about Japanese geisha on TheProperLady.com, I received criticism for my endorsement. Some of my readers were saying to me that I was endorsing patriarchal values and that I was going against womanly independence and feminine empowerment.

This shows just how little informed we are about Japanese geisha. The Western media has painted them as high-class prostitutes and as the toys of Japanese business men.

Testimonial: Nina's Blog Changed My Life

It seems like the more modern society is, the harder it is to know how best to hold oneself in this fast-pace quickly-evolving world. 

That's why I was so happy and blessed when I finally ran into Nina's blog, TheProperLady.com. Nina makes each of her readers feel like her best friend and makes regular women look and feel like proper ladies.

You have to meet her, because she will change your life.

-August, Maine, USA. Age: 24. 

One Lovely Blog Award

Hello Lovelies!

This is just a short post to say that I've been privileged enough to be nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award by Butterflies and Daisys Vintage! I'm very thankful and honored to be nominated by such a charming little vintage blog. 

I'm very into vintage blogs right now, probably partly due to my Mad Men and The Education craze. 

I just love the fashion, what can I say? 

Rules of acceptance (as mentioned by other bloggers):

*thank the person who nominated you and link back to them in your post

*share 7 things about yourself

*nominate 15 or so bloggers you admire

*contact your chosen bloggers to let them know 

7 Things About Myself:

(1) I have an obsession with tea and try every type of tea once (once iced and once hot). 

(2) I love the color combinations of navy blue and white, pink and green, and pastel yellow and white.

(3) I collect stationery.

(4) I love languages and in high school I took French, Italian, and Ancient Greek at the same time. In my freshman year of university I declared myself as a Russian Language and Literature major with a minor in Sociology.

(5) I have a huge girl crush on Japanese women. 

(6) I absolutely love equestrianism and tennis.

(7) I first got inspired to learn about elegance, grace, and femininity after writing a paper on Jacqueline Kennedy in a class in high school. 

The Blogs I Currently Fancy (In No Particular Order):

The Daily Connoisseur 

Grace and Poise

Audrey Onassis

The Glamorous Housewife 

Classy and Fabulous: Inspiring and Celebrating the Classy Woman Within

Va-Voom Vintage

True Femininity

Preppin' Postgrad 

Miss Southern Prep

Mrs. Pink Champagne

-Vineyard Loveknots-

Becoming More Worldly and Educated

Hi Doves,

Those of you have been reading this blog for a long time will know that I am a strong proponent of travel and forming yourself into a more worldly, educated, and broad-thinking person. It's hard to be elegant if you show yourself to be ignorant when it comes to other ideas, works of art, and cultures.

However, the world is in the middle of a recession. It's understandable that financial worries are at the forefront of your mind right now and, for those of you pursuing elegance and refinement, it can be frustrating when so much of elegance seems to be based on wealth and privilege.

Here on TheProperLady.com, I believe that becoming an elegant woman and a gentleman of the highest class should not be restricted to lineage and wealth, and that anyone can pursue elegance and refinement.

Your behavior and carriage determine your elegance, sophistication, and refinement, not your lineage or your wealth. The reason why wealthy old-money people with great lineage are often associated with elegance, sophistication, and refinement is because wealthy people from old families of propriety have more resources at their disposal when it comes to developing elegance and refinement.

Due to them having more resources, it's normal that more of them would end up being elegant than those who have no resources, due to probability. However, wealth and lineage does not determine elegance.

Just look at Paris Hilton. She comes from a very old and wealthy family, but she does not carry herself with elegance, refinement, and poise.

This is proof that you do not need wealth or lineage to become elegant and refined, and that the only reason we see a lot of elegant and refined people with wealth and lineage is due to probability caused by opportunity.

Your behavior and carriage determine elegance, not your wealth and lineage. Take advantage of the resources that you do have at your disposal and you have just as much of a chance of being a lady or gentleman as any one else does.

One of the first things to do is to read as much as you can. Ladies and gentlemen have a working knowledge of a broad variety of subjects and they can hold a polite conversation about almost anything.
Take advantage of public libraries if you are a bit limited on funds.

Look into these articles:

Literature That Improves One's Speech
Books That You Cannot Become Classically Educated Without

Take out classical literature (they help you to become a better speaker and writer) and also take out non-fiction.

Make sure to read newspapers. This not only helps you to keep up with current events (necessary for being able to hold polite conversation) but it also helps you with your vocabulary. The New York Times online has an app that helps you learn new words while reading.

Take advantage of opportunities to further your education. Consider scholarships, financial aid, and free lectures open to the public at local universities.

Also, never pass up a chance to travel lightly. When you have the opportunity to travel, consider it seriously because chances to travel don't come very often, and the opportunity to see other cultures refines you and opens your eyes better than any other.

If your friend has a place in a country you've never been to and offers you boarding, consider it seriously because you're saving a lot of money on boarding/hotel fees. If you can find budget airline savings somewhere, also consider taking that opportunity to go and travel.

Also, be open to speaking and socialize to people of different social groups than yourself. I believe that the best teachers are other people and you can learn so much and become so much more sophisticated by hearing stories of life from people different from you.

Playground and Sporting Surfaces

Downton Abbey, TV Show.

Are any of you interested in sports? I think that those hoping to become a proper lady would be wise to consider picking up a recreational sport recommended on my Classy Sporting page.

This is for a few reasons: Firstly, certain sports help with posture and grace of movement. Secondly, sports help with your health. Thirdly, many sports gives you socializing opportunity.

For those of you who don't know it, I myself am very interested in equestrianism, field hockey, women's lacrosse, and tennis. In all four of these sports, the surface that you compete on is often very important and crucial to your performance.

I recently stumbled across this company called Rubberecycle that specializes in playground surfaces and horseback riding surfaces. On the site, you can purchase playground surfacing, horseback riding surfacing, and even rubber mats.

To my elegant mothers, do your children often want to go to playgrounds? Do you ever feel unsafe when you watch them swing from the monkey bars and slide down poles?

School playgrounds and commercial playgrounds can often seem unsafe, especially when your child falls. I'm personally not a big fan of playgrounds and hope to search for physical activity for my children that's physically demanding but doesn't involve running around 8 feet up in the air where they could easily fall off the set.

But having the right surfaces make playgrounds a lot safer. I remember that when I was little, falling while running around was when I'd get hurt because my hands and arms would land on the mulch which would often give me splinters.

What Kind of Perfume Do Gentlemen Like?

 As many of you know, I'm very into perfume and smelling like a feminine and delicate lady. I never leave the house without perfume on. I might even take it farther than that and say that I never live without perfume on.

I wear perfume to do everything, even to stay home and lounge around the house.

This is because I just can't not smell nice. I like smelling like a feminine and delicate lady and I'm sure that many of you emphasize with that.

However, I think it's important to recognize that the perfume that we like on ourselves and on our girlfriends is most likely very different from the perfume that our gentlemen want to smell on us.

An example is a new favorite scent of mine, the Hanae Mori Butterfly:



I've left a link to Kohl's where you can order it if you're interested in it.

I love the scent, but not as much as my gentleman loves it. I think it smells very feminine, sweet, and delicate. My gentleman thinks that it smells like cookies, but when it's on me and he smells it, he pulls me closer and says I smell like almonds. He (and the many other men who've complimented me when I've worn it) like it a lot more than my female friends do. I love it, but my mother finds it to be too sweet for her taste and my female friends have never asked what i'm wearing.

After a few years of trying on perfume that I loved, only for my brother and potential suitors to ask me what on earth I'm wearing, I've reached the conclusion that men like us to smell good as well, but they just have a different preference when it comes to scents.

Another example is the scent Gucci Flora Eau Fraiche:



I've left a link where you can order it if you're interested in it.

I like the scent quite a bit and I find it to be feminine but not too strong and I get a ton of compliments from other women but most men I know hate it on me for some reason, to the point where I've stopped wearing it.

I've found that although us women may like very ultra-feminine and flowery scents or very strong and "sexy" scents, men like scents that are either very clean and fresh, or scents that make them feel very nurtured (the Hanae Mori smells like cookies from the bottle, sugary candied-almonds on me, and vanilla on my good friend, May).

A lot of strong and independent women favor Yves Saint Laurent Opium:



It's a very strong, spicy, independent, and "sexy" scent. I have a neighbor who always wears Opium and she's definitely a strong and spicy lady. However, most men I know hate the smell of it because it's so strong and cloying, almost too spicy for them.

Men like scents that are very comforting and nurturing (like lavender and vanilla) or very fresh and clean, smelling like the girl just jumped out of the shower.

-----------

Sponsored by The Glamorous Housewife.

Click on the link to visit the site. 

Manners - Who Needs Them? (A Guest Article by Kim Graber)

Some people are outright rude these days. You walk down the street and hear everybody’s telephone conversations, no matter how explicit or private; you walk up to a door, only to have the person walking in ahead of you let the door slam shut; you have a hard time enjoying your meal, because the person at the next table is chewing with his or her mouth open. Rudeness and outright disrespect are such common occurrences that we sometimes don’t even notice the lack of manners.

It seems to be the general consensus that what we call “manners” are little more than an antiquated and arbitrary set of rules that can and should be disregarded. A very common misconception is that manners are no longer important; however, teaching our children manners and remembering our own is vital in many ways. Don’t agree? Consider the following reasons why it is still important to learn and practice proper manners.
  Language of Business
In the business world, people are often dealing with customers and management. Customers expect to be treated with respect and care. Your bosses want the customers to continue coming back, and you should too. They make your paycheck possible. Before they will become a loyal customer, they need to feel valued and respected. Besides, if you plan on going anywhere within the company, you should know how to behave in the office. Respecting your boss and acknowledging his or her authority is necessary to holding your job and securing any future advancement you may seek.
  Cultural Dividers
There are so many opportunities to interact with people from different cultures on a daily basis. This is so common, we often don’t think of it as a big deal. However, having good manners and showing respect is essential to making someone feel welcome and accepted. While it may be commonplace to behave a certain way among your peers, someone from another culture won’t necessarily see it that way.
  Avoid Conflict
Bad manners cause conflict. There’s no doubt about it. One of the fastest ways to start an argument with someone is to behave disrespectfully toward him or her. Someone you may not even know could lash out at you if he or she feels disrespected. This could lead to embarrassment, legal trouble, and possibly violence.
  Show Respect
To get down to the main reason that manners exist and are important: they are essential to showing respect. Without respect, the world would be a scary, violent place. Respect means thinking about how someone else feels or having a feeling of esteem for someone. Without that, there would be no limits on how poorly we could treat our fellow human beings.

The lack of manners and respect in today’s culture is directly related to an increased amount of crime and violence. That’s why it’s important to continue teaching our children manners. It’s not something that is often picked up later on in life. Manners are learned at a young age. It’s imperative that we take the necessary steps to improve our future generations and how they treat one other.

Kim Graber enjoys playing with her dogs and going for walks on sunny days, and she is a contributing author at http://flowerdelivery.net. 

Is It Okay to Pursue Men?

As I write TheProperLady.com, I am regularly reminded of how crucial my readers are when it comes to gaining new ideas and writing helpful articles. It's hard to write helpful and relevant articles when I don't know what my readers need or what questions they're asking, so I credit all of you with helping to  make TheProperLady.com what it is today and I have faith that you will help it to continue growing and continue thriving.

One of the best ways for me to do research and find out what you need, what you want, and what questions you have is on TheProperLady.com Facebook Page. I will often ask questions in the form of statuses and will look at the responses, usually to ask your opinion (like a one-question survey) or to simply ask you what you'd like to see more of.

A Bit More on Scholarships

Harvard University.

Lately, I've been getting a lot of emails from wonderful readers who say that they want to be elegant yet are having trouble with the part about higher education, whether because they didn't attend a school that was as prestigious as they wish or because they didn't attend a university at all.

For those of you who feel that you are in the same situation, you might enjoy my articles:

What If You Don't Have a College Education?

Ways to Be Educated With Limited Funds

Lately, I've also been getting a lot of similar emails from readers worried about education (or the lack thereof) and who are good students who dream of getting into certain universities (and have the grades to give them a good chance), but just lack the funding.

For these persons, the previously mentioned article Ways to Be Educated With Limited Funds would also be useful.

In that article, I speak a little bit on scholarships and I'd like to speak a bit more on them right now. I recently found a website that helps students to find scholarships (the link is attached) to help them attend university. What's great about this website is that they help to match you with a scholarship to any type of school (your dream school), whether it's an Ivy League university or a community college in your area.

With this economy, a university degree is more important than ever if you want to be competitive in the job market and people have been attending university since before the 13th century (some people might consider The Academy in Ancient Greece to be the first legitimate university). University education was once considered to be only a privilege for the wealthy but today, with the help of scholarships and less exclusive and more inexpensive schools, almost anyone can attend if they truly want to.

The website that I linked to has an abundance of useful information at the disposal of future college students and sponsors many big-name scholarships from various companies and organizations throughout the United States. I think that my younger students looking for ways to fund a university education would find the website to be useful.

College Regrets - Guest Post by Cori

A short guest post by Cori on her college choice.

I often reflect on the choices that I have made thus far in my life and how they have brought me to where I am today. I have to say that my biggest regret so far revolves around my college education. I wish someone had really sat me down and advised me of all this things to consider that I might possibly regret. I chose to go to college in New Jersey, a small liberal arts school, that offered me a good scholarship. If we are being honest, outside of the scholarship, the only other factor that really went into my decision was the fact that the dorms I would be living in were brand new and spacious. That's it. No though to what I wanted to do in life, to the classes I might choose to take, even to the surrounding town and area were I would be living. I only cared about my bedroom and money. Turns out the college was in the middle of nowhere town where there was pretty much nothing to do and absolutely nothing at all that didn't require an inconvenient car ride. I also somehow managed to choose a school that had very little to offer in the way of the major I finally decided upon. I really wish I had decided to go someplace that could have specialized more in my major, and even though this might be slightly less important than that, someplace warm, and beautiful like Miami College. It would have been nice to go somewhere with more of a college town feel to it too. Someplace where you can walk to shops and restaurants, and where the people in the area care about the school and its sports. I know that all of that is secondary to the education part, but I really do think I missed out on a lot of really valuable experiences by going to such a small school in a small rich town that no one has ever heard of. Oh well, I guess there is always graduate school!

A Ladylike Brand of Kindness

Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge.

It's important to be kind, doves, but kindness means so many different things to different people. Kindness is at once a word loaded with meaning and a word that's incredibly vague.

Because you're a reader of this site, you may be wondering "How does one be a lady in terms of kindness? What kind of kindness is ladylike and elegant?"

In this article, I hope to explain and help you to understand something that I like to call a "Ladylike Brand of Kindness", the brand of kindness that is devoutly practiced by ladylike women and elegant women alike.

The ladylike brand of kindness that I seek to teach and write about here on TheProperLady.com is elegant: you can sense its beauty but it's understated. It's like the subtle smell of perfume following a delicate and feminine woman; its presence is felt by all who meet her, but it's not cloying, overpowering, or artificial.

In my opinion, it's impossible to be a truly elegant woman or proper lady if you're not kind, darlings! An elegant woman is a woman of kindness, warmth, and consideration. She's kind, but she's not the kind of person who can be considered "too nice."

What I mean by this is that she's not artificial about it and she's not a pushover who's content to be used by her friends, coworkers, family, acquaintances, and gentleman. She stands her ground, sticks to her guns, and she doesn't have a problem with saying "no" to people asking her for favors - she just knows how to be sweet, polite, and diplomatic while doing so. She doesn't bend over backwards for others so, in that sense, you can also say that she's not a "pleaser".

In conclusion, a ladylike brand of kindness is one of politeness, consideration for the feelings of others, sweetness, warmth, hospitality generosity, and charity, but it's also genuine and is made up of gentle strength.

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Are We Too Look-Obsessed?

To my female readers: when did you first start wearing makeup? When did you first start paying attention to who was the prettiest girl in the class and who had that great pair of shoes? When did you start feeling conscious about your body?

To my male readers: when did you first start hearing your friends say that you had to look a certain way or dress a certain way to attract female attention? When did you first start hearing about what types of bodies were more "manly" than other types of bodies?

People and societies have always cared about the appearances of things. Since the beginning of time, poets have discussed the beauty of the stars or the beauty of the female form. Native American tribes, hundreds of years ago, exercised aesthetic preferences when they decorated the skin of animals with beads for their clothing.

I'm not going to say that only one society in one time period was "look-obsessed" or that it's a horrible thing. An appreciation for beautiful aesthetics has been around since the beginning of all life and we can't help but pick up on visual cues that we find to be attractive. Look at the male peacock who spreads his stunning plume of feathers to attract a female mate, using his appearance to attract the opposite sex.

Being drawn to physical beauty is natural and it's unrealistic to take all of the emphasis away from aesthetics. Think about all of the artistic appreciation that will be lost. Think about what will happen if we teach our kids that looks are not important at all but no other family does the same and every other family accepts appreciation of aesthetics for what it is: an aspect of nature.

It's dangerous to completely disregard the attraction that takes place when a graceful and feminine woman waltzes into a room of men, hips swinging, or when a handsome and neatly-dressed man, with confident and assertive body language, walks down the street past a group of women.

Being the only parent who teaches your children that looks are not important at all (not even maintaining a hygienic and clean appearance) will put them at a disadvantage in life. Why should they comb their hair or put on a tie to go to that job interview?

Looks matter for more than just a sexual attraction between two people. Looks also tell the world your personality. Not caring to iron your clothes, comb your hair, or clip your finger nails will tell a prospective employer that you're uncaring. If you look sloppy, they're going to assume that you do sloppy work.

Instead of taking all emphasis away from looks when it comes to raising our children and telling them that looks don't matter, what we need to do instead is to teach our kids that looks alone won't get them through life and that it's important that they be people of substance.

Their looks might get them that person's phone number or a great first impression, but if they have a poor personality, they won't get that second date or that great second impression.

One must teach their children that they can't be just a pretty or handsome face and that they need to be people of substance. We should take care to raise our children into people who are also intelligent, educated, ambitious (a good work ethic), kind, caring, polite, and charitable/generous.

Q: A silly proper lady?

Q: Dear Nina,

I'm a fairly new reader of your blog and I must say that I love it. It has helped me understand that one of my main goals in life has always been to be proper, even if many times I have taken a wrong turn somewhere. Lately I've been trying more consciously to work on this goal by minding my posture and looking for ways to improve my culture and taste.

The other day, while thinking, it ocurred to me that I don't know how the silliness and goofiness can take part in the life of a proper lady. (I wouldn't imagine Bree being silly). There have been many times where I've abstained myself of some activities with my friends for fear of looking silly. And when I do have participated, people look at me in a strange way, which only makes me feel self-conscious. Could you give some advice regarding this, please?

Also, I do not wish to take advantage of this space but I think it would be nice to have an entry on your favourite classical and jazz pieces for us to have a starting point.

Thank you so much for being an inspiration!

-Daniela
from Mexico

A: Dear Daniela,

Thank you very much for your question and also for your compliments - I mean it when I say that I gain inspiration from my readers who are so kind as to leave me a message here at my little home.

I think that it's perfectly fine for a proper lady to be silly depending on the situation. If she's younger, then it's more excusable; when you're young, that's a time for playfulness and laughter! I think that it's also okay for a proper lady, regardless of age, to be silly when in private among close friends and family.

I myself act silly when I'm alone with my brother or with my gentleman, because our relationships are intimate enough so that we can be playful with each other without being judged.

I think that it's okay to be silly as long as what you are doing is not hurting the feelings of others and also as long as that "silliness" does not become vulgar or inappropriate (for example, you should not be silly at work or with your superiors, like teachers at school).

I hope that this helped a bit!

Sincerely,
Nina

P.S. I will make a separate post later on on classical music and jazz pieces.

The Importance of Making a Linguistic Effort While Abroad

The famous Rome scene from the hit TV Series, Mad Men. 

Good evening, darling!

How many of you enjoy traveling? I certainly do. I think that everyone enjoys traveling, but not everyone enjoys the same type of traveling. Some people prefer exotic locales with jungles, some people enjoy historic cities, some people enjoy quaint little towns in the English countryside, and some people dream of a road trip across their own country. But in the end, I think that everyone would travel and enjoy it if they had the opportunity.

However, while traveling, we sometimes forget that we are guests to someone else's home (someone else's country) and that as guests, it's important to be well-mannered and appreciative.

One of the best and, in my opinion, easiest ways to show appreciation and respect while in a foreign country is to speak the language of the natives instead of expecting them to speak your language. To many of us are guilty of visiting foreign nations and then expecting the natives to speak to you in your own language.

(Please note that I am in no way condoning forcing foreigners to speak your language when they actually don't know a single word - purposely speaking to them in the native language of your nation when you know they don't speak in it and when you know more phrases in their language is cruel, insensitive, and rude.)

You're in a culture other than your own so it's best to make the effort to say at least a few phrases in their language to them. It not only shows respect for them and their culture, but it also helps you to absorb more of the culture while there.

Making the effort to say a few phrases correctly to native speakers flatters them and also makes a good impression on them because it paints you as someone who is cosmopolitan, educated, and open-minded.

This is especially true for business. If you are an English company that is interested in contacting a company in Italy to form a business partnership, your letter should be in Italian. If they are contacting you, their letter should be in English.

I understand that it's very challenging to write in a language other than your own, and sometimes writing in your native language is tempting because, since this is a letter of business, you want it to be professional and without mistakes. However, there are so many different respectable translation agencies out there with experienced and detailed translators that you really have no excuse to not send a letter to the company in their native language.

Almost every nation has a variety of companies that can assist you with translating professional letters and professional business proposals, so there's really no reason why you wouldn't want to take that opportunity to show yourself as educated, cosmopolitan, and accepting.

The Importance of Self-Care in Elegance

I think that true ladies care about other people. I can't imagine a woman being a lady and being selfish at the same time, always putting herself first. I personally detest the "me" culture that we have, where you want everything but you don't ever consider giving anything.

I love the quote by Audrey Hepburn, a true lady, where she says:

"It's that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up. Others matter more than you do, so don't fuss, dear; get on with it."

A true lady can't be selfish. She has to give and she has to think about others. A true lady has consideration for the needs and feelings of others.

However, at the same time, it is important to recognize that in order to properly take care of other people, we need to take care of ourselves. How can we take proper care of our children, gentlemen, friends, and other relatives if we are in mental disarray and haven't had our needs taken care of?

There are many ways in which we must take care of our own needs.

It's important for us to take time out of our day for ourselves every so often. Think about what relaxes you.

I personally enjoy making myself a quick healthy meal and then eating it near the window by myself with some of my favorite classical music on. As much as I enjoy dining with the people I care about, sometimes you need time alone to clear your head. I also enjoy horseback riding when I need time to myself.

One of my most elegant girlfriends, Carmen, enjoys doing yoga to clear her head and take care of herself. Not only is it great for her mentally, but it's great for her physically - she's in fantastic shape!

However, it's important to remember that sometimes, one might require something different to relax themselves. For those of us with deeper worries, Buddhist meditation can sometimes help. One can also try alternative methods of therapy, like jungian therapists. For those of you who might feel the need for different types of therapy, jungian analysis involves learning to accept and come to terms with things that we already know, although we might not admit it. It also involves a very positive relationship with the therapist, known as a jungian psychoanalyst.

A part of being a lady is putting others before yourself and taking care of people, but it's hard to do that when you haven't taken care of yourself. How can you take care of other people when your life and health is in disarray?

Do any of you have a favorite way to relax yourself? What's the best way to take care of your needs?

Great Host/Hostess Gifts

My mother was always a stickler for proper manners and acting like a lady (she inspired this blog and she still reads it daily and points out the shortcomings), and one of the first things she taught me was to never show up to someone's gathering empty-handed. Going out searching for the perfect host/hostess gift was a regular thing throughout my childhood.

It's important to bring something to show your appreciation and gratitude for all of the work they put in to create a nice time for you.

A standard hostess gift is a bottle of wine, but not everyone likes the same wine.

I hope that this article will aid you in finding a hostess gift that's sure to be appreciated.

Flowers

There isn't a lady alive who doesn't appreciate flowers. Flowers are a safe bet, just make sure that you don't bring fresh cut flowers to a party. Your hostess is busy organizing things and welcoming guests so it's rude of you to make her take time to find a vase, cut the flowers, and arrange the flowers when she's so busy.

If you want to bring flowers, either bring ones already in a vase and water, bring a potted plant, or send fresh cut flowers to her home earlier in the day.

A Nice Bottle of Olive Oil

This is a great gift idea if you're being invited to the home of a family of gourmands. Nicer imported olive oil (which will often have darker bottles to protect the flavors from the sun, akin to wine) are great to be savored with bread and drizzled over dishes as a flavoring.

Baked Goods

What's nice about bringing baked goods as a gift is that they know you put time and effort into making them. I wouldn't recommend giving baked goods when you think they might be confused with something meant to help contribute to the party. Make sure that it's clear that the goods are for the family to share amongst themselves. 

I find that baked goods are particularly good gifts for housewarming parties and for meeting the parents of your beau for the first time. Your beau's mom will be thrilled that his lady can bake and they'll think about you and the great impression you made the next morning when they slice into your banana bread for their breakfast 

Wine

Biltmore Sauvignon Blanc.

Bringing wine is pretty common but it's not the gift I personally tend to go for because wine is hard to buy. You have no idea whether or not it's good until you taste it and even if you've tried that bottle or if you are really good at choosing wine (like my fiancé is), everyone has different taste in wine, so you picking out the best-tasting bottle in the store for them still might not fit their palette.

However if you really prefer to gift wine to your host or hostess, it's good to go for a white wine that can easily be used for cooking if they don't like the flavor. White wine tends to be lighter than red wine so more people enjoy white wine (I personally can't handle more than a few sips of red wine and am one of those who prefer white) and furthermore, a Sauvignon Blanc poured into a French seafood dish in the kitchen can always be appreciated.

Soaps

Nice soaps, ones that most people wouldn't get for themselves, would also be appreciated. Show your hostess your appreciation by pampering her.

Jam/Preserves

A set of 3 nice jams/preserves in different flavors are also a nice comfort gift for a host and hostess. If you know how to make them yourself and do, then this gift would have the same effect as the baked goods gift: they know you spent time making it for them and if you gift it when meeting your beau's parents for the first time, his mother will be thrilled that his lady can make magic in the kitchen and both of his parents will think of you in the morning when they spread it on their toast while remembering how sweet you were.

Cheese

Another great gift for the gourmand couple: elegant cheese. If you want to get really far on their good side, a better idea would be to give them a sharper cheese (like a Gorgonzola or a Gruyere), a box of plain table crackers, and then give them a topping of apricot jam to go on top of it.

Ways to Be Educated With Limited Funds

Hi Doves,

A few days ago I received a touching message from a reader in Minnesota asking if she can still be elegant and a proper lady despite not having ever had the financial opportunity to go to college and get a college degree. This girl is very intelligent and very kind, but she simply does not have the financial backing.

Luckily, there are other ways to hold oneself like an educated person and uphold an aura of education without having to have ever gone to an expensive or exclusive private university. I hope that this helps anyone who may be searching for answers to a situation that is as difficult as I can only imagine.

Read
Take advantage of free libraries (like public libraries in your city) and read books. Reading good books will increase your general knowledge and will also improve your elegant speech by improving your vocabulary and your grammar.

Scholarships
Look into scholarships for the universities that you're interested in. Almost all universities offer scholarships sponsored by the universities themselves. If you can't find a scholarship through the university itself, you could look at organizations that offer scholarships to applicants. If you qualify as a minority, you can also look into special minority scholarships sponsored by different minority organizations throughout the country so that you can find the best options for yourself.

Take Advantage Of Free Cultural Offerings In Your City
Do you have any local universities in your town? Many universities offer lectures and cultural performances that are open to the public.

Also take advantage of local museums that might have a day where admission is free to the public.

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