How to be a Woman of Worth

Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge.  

Throughout this blog I've been exploring many things: how to be classy, how to be kind, how to be elegant, and how to be ladylike. I think that it's safe to say that I've also been exploring the idea of being a "Woman of Worth," but for some reason, in this article is the first time I've ever used that title on this blog.

Consider this to be my official introduction to the "Woman of Worth."

So how can we learn to understand this Woman of Worth? Well, we can start by discussing the general behavior of women in the 21st century (I explicitly say "general" because of course, many women do not act in such a manner).

I'm sorry if anything I say here seems to be too blunt or too harsh. My intention is not to be blunt or harsh, but to be straight-forward and honest for the sake of learning and expressing what I have observed (just like with everything else I write on this blog).

I have noticed that women these days tend to tolerate bad treatment from other people (whether by other women or by the opposite sex). I don't really know what it is or why, but it's just something that I notice more and more these days. Many of us seem to tolerate both larger things and smaller things.

Audrey Hepburn.

The first thing about the Woman of Worth is that she doesn't tolerate bad treatment from people because she doesn't have to. She knows and understands her worth and demands more from life: more respect, more love, and more magic.

A Woman of Worth can also be given the title of a Woman of Quality. She knows what she wants when she sees it, she's not afraid to get it, and she's a high-quality woman.

Since I truly hate the vulgar and nasty art of ranking people and saying that one person is "worth more" than another, I would like to clarify about what I mean when I describe a Woman of Worth or a Woman of Quality.

I know that you've been told many times (by both myself and other people) that a Woman of Worth is a woman who doesn't tolerate people treating her poorly or taking advantage of her and that's not exactly the case. I'm not saying that that isn't true because Women of Worth definitely do not tolerate poor treatment from people, but a Woman of Worth isn't defined by that trait. That trait just comes as a natural aspect to her personality since she's so high-quality! After all, there are women who wouldn't be considered Women of Worth but wouldn't tolerate poor treatment either.

Really, the definition in the box above is really the best definition that I could give you about a Woman of Worth. It just happens that a woman of such high standards and effort knows her worth and wouldn't let anyone make her falter.

So what are some aspects of a Woman of Worth?

Education, Intelligence and Sophistication

Queen Rania of Jordon, a woman of high quality.

When I imagine a "Woman of Worth," one of the first things I imagine is a woman who is well-educated, intelligent, and sophisticated.

A Woman of Worth, no matter how beautiful she is, knows that no matter what, looks alone will never be enough. She will always continue to improve her mind and continue to grow culturally and intellectually.

She will always be learning, reading, and, if the opportunity and the finances allow, traveling. Although she had good manners and is a polite woman, she is not afraid to be a woman of opinions (and she knows the appropriate and kind way to express them).

A woman of worth is sophisticated and cultured, intelligent, educated, and a good speaker.

Confidence, Strength, and Dignity

Michelle Obama. 

Other qualities I think of when I think of a "Woman of Worth" are her confidence, strength, and dignity.

A Woman of Worth knows her worth and isn't afraid to stand up for herself or her loved ones and isn't too shy to speak up and voice her mind in front of a crowd, especially if it gets something done.

A Woman of Worth also doesn't put up with ill treatment from others when she's undeserving (and since a Woman of Worth treats everyone around her with respect, she usually is undeserving). If she's not being treated fairly or with respect, she will address the issue with calmness and dignity.

Love, Empathy, and Care
Finally, a Woman of Worth has love, empathy, and care. She will love and support her husband and their children.

She will also "feel" for the less fortunate and try to help them out through charity work, volunteering, donating funds, and adopting orphans.

Most Beautiful Theaters/Opera Houses in the World

This article was written due to popular request.

Part of the reason why I love traveling so much is because I really appreciate beautiful architecture, doves! When I travel to a city and come across a building that is breathtakingly beautiful, I always sit across the street from it and admire it for a few minutes if I can. A beautiful opera house or a beautiful theater affects me even more, perhaps because I'm such a fan of what goes on inside of them. I hope to offer you photos about some of the most beautiful theaters and beautiful opera houses in the world.

The Vienna State Opera

This is, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful theaters/opera houses in the world and its fitting location in one of the most beautiful cities in the world is no surprise to me!

The Paris Opera House

Another one of the most beautiful theaters and opera houses of the world. Located in another beautiful city, it has a famous novel written about it, (The Phantom of the Opera).

The Mariinsky Theater

The gorgeous Mariinsky Theater in Saint Petersburg, Russia, houses one of the most accomplished and respected ballet and opera companies in the world.

Money Does Not Mean Quality

At the Opera Ball 1893, Henri Toulouse Lautrec.

During my time writing The Proper Lady, I have had the joy of learning about truly makes a person lovely, classy, and elegant. Something that became incredibly clear to me within the first few weeks of my research is that money can't buy class. Having a lot of money doesn't automatically make someone classy. Class and elegance, at least the kind that I prefer to write about here, are independent of class and are unrelated to generous finances.

Although this is something that I've been aware of for years, I didn't start thinking about it again (and feel like writing an article for it) until more recently. My fiancé Andy is very "into" wine. Not only is he very knowledgeable about wine, but he's also very passionate about it. He subscribes to many wine magazines and he's read a number of reputable wine books from cover to cover (and you can bet that a science major from a rigorous university has a good memory). If there's a wine tasting or a wine talk in the area, he's there. He's one of those people who buy wine based on the region, the grape, and the date (read: he knows how to read the label in order to buy a good bottle).

A wine store in Italy.

A few days ago, we went grocery shopping together (I wanted to bake a pie for his mother and I wanted him to pick out fruit that she'd like). While there, I went with him to the wine section so that he could pick out a few bottles for an upcoming dinner party. The bottles he chose weren't necessarily the most expensive ones there but they were, according to him, some of the best tasting, and he inferred this based on the region, the date (and older does not necessarily mean better, according to him), the nationality, and the grape.

It got me thinking again about how many people are too eager to associate money with class and elegance.

Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton... those are names of just a few wealthy celebrities we wouldn't want influencing our daughters. I'm not saying that Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are nasty people on a personal level (I'm friends with a lady who's a celebrity event planner for a living and who had the unfortunate job of working as Lindsay Lohan's event planner at one point so I actually do know that Lindsay Lohan is nasty on a personal level), but I'm just saying that even if they're very nice girls, they're just not classy.

Class is about being judgmental about what you put in your body (eating a nutritious diet, steering away from bad drugs or an overabundance of alcohol...) and about what you put on your body (not wearing too much gaudy makeup or gaudy accessories, not using clothing that's immodest or improper), about being open to other people and other lifestyles, cultures, and religions, about saving the sexually intimate parts of your body for important people (your doctor and your romantic partner) and not displaying it to all of America in a magazine spread, about taking responsibility for your education and for your elegant speech, and about treating others the way that you want to be treated.

Just like a hefty price tag doesn't make a bottle of wine a good bottle of wine, a large salary (or trust fund) doesn't make a person a quality person.

Modern versus Traditional

Lingerie created by HerRoom.

The other day I was shopping online for feminine matching lingerie (one of my guilty pleasures, as many of you may know after reading my lingerie article). I came across an adorable set... creamy cotton, the panties were high-waisted in the spirit of Mad Men (one of my favorite TV shows), and there were black satin stripes on both the panties and the bra, not to mention an adorable bow (I found a picture of the set and included it at left). When I read the description (I found this on the website of a women's magazine that shall remain unnamed), it said that the bra would look adorable peeking out from a cardigan.

Although it would, I feel like there was a time, not so long ago, when lingerie and other undergarments were meant to be private.

It got me thinking about how modernity might be killing elegance and class.

Elegant Lady on the Quay of Paris by Daniel Hernandez.

There was a time when almost all women were ladies, regardless of their education or financial status. At the time, if a woman wasn't a lady, she'd be an outcast of society.

(Of course, here I'm using the title "lady" in the same way that I have been using it throughout this blog (to imply a woman of dignity, kindness, and grace) rather than the aristocratic title. Of course, in that aristocratic time period in Europe and Asia, not all women were Ladies but many of them were ladies.)

In the 1800s in Europe or Asia, if a woman walked around on the street with her undergarments showing (reminiscent to the modern day equivalent of a woman leaning over to reveal a thong peaking out from her blue jeans), she'd be considered a prostitute, unworthy to be married to any man, or, worse (and often likely), of less value than a human.

I sometimes ask myself if everything that has come with the new century is beneficial. There are things about the modern day that I do appreciate very much and think are right.

I appreciate my ability to vote; I think that a woman can be just as educated as any man about the issues and the politicians and so there's no reason for her to not be able to vote.

I also appreciate my ability to do things like take myself to the grocery store or to the restaurant by myself. Although there weren't necessarily any laws prohibiting the ability of women to do such things, there were still cultural expectations that would make people look at you and wonder why there wasn't a gentleman there to escort you.

I appreciate my ability to hold a job. I think it's important for a woman to be financially independent in some way. I'm not bashing housewives (some of my best elegant girlfriends are beautiful housewives who are so talented at what they do that they make taking care of three kids and a husband look easy), I'm just saying that I think that it's smart to think ahead and that a housewife can find her own financial independence as well. As much as we may love our men and hate to think about things like this, sometimes bad things happen to people we love. If something happens to your man, you need to be able to stand on your two feet and support yourself and your children.

I appreciate my ability to speak my mind. In historical times, women were often expected to sit there, look pretty, and speak only when spoken to by a man. Today, women can be politicians. Women can be CEOs, doctors, lawyers, journalists, musicians, and teachers. They can be artists. They can be college professors and Nobel Prize Winners. Women can earn PhDs and attend Yale Law School. I think that women are able to express themselves as articulately and intelligently as a man so we should have that right. Of course, I do think that there's an appropriate way to express one's opinion, but I think that we are capable of doing so.

It is hard for me to lie through my teeth and say that I don't enjoy a single modern benefit. There are so many things to be thankful for that have only been possible with the coming of the modern era (modern day medicine, anyone?).

However there are some traditional things that I really value. One of these things is family. I place a great importance on family and I'm sure many people do as well, but things like family dinners and family outings are on a decline as some teenagers suddenly feel that it is "uncool" to be seen hanging out with their parents (this is not an attack on teen readers by the way - after all, there are many teens with family values).

I also think that dating and romance have become more complicated in the modern world. There used to be a code of romance, unspoken rules. Those things would help guide us and take out the guessing aspect of dating.

Do any of you have any other examples of both modern benefits and traditional benefits?

Put Your Kids Before Yourself

Jacqueline Kennedy.

This article was inspired by a personal event in my life, by an acquaintance's parents' habits, and by a conversation with a reader in the online community. This article is dedicated to Lori - thank you for keeping me company on the Proper Lady Facebook Page, Lori! 

Many people (men and women) dream of one day starting a family and having kids, entering into elegant fatherhood and motherhood. 

I myself am one of those people. I have wanted to be a mother for a very long time. My fiancé has wanted to be a father for a very long time as well and we've often spoken about having children together in the future (we'd like to have one natural one and we'd also like to adopt one, since we're both very involved and passionate about charity work, philanthropy, and just simply giving back to the community; we might even have one natural and adopt two if we can afford to).

However, not all of us are suited to be parents. Some of us are just not parent-people (that doesn't make us bad people, it just means that we shouldn't have children). Some of us are parent-people but don't have the finances available.  Some of us just aren't in the right time in our lives.

I think that it's important for all parents to put their children first - what's the point of having kids if you put yourself before them?

I know a family (I won't give names because I don't want to embarrass them if someone they know is reading this, and regardless of how much I may disapprove of their parenting, they have a right to privacy and that should be respected) with parents who just put themselves before their kids, and of course the kids suffer as a result. The daughter is a very nice girl and an excellent student and she gained admission into her dream school: Columbia University. She's dreamed of going to college in New York City since she was eleven years old and she was also lucky to get into such a prestigious university! However, she couldn't go because her parents said that they couldn't afford the $60,000/year tuition.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, before you say anything I just want to add: her parents both drive $70,000 BMW sedans, they live in a very large house in an expensive neighborhood, and her mother spends a lot of money on gaudy luxury handbags and clothing. My lovely readers, her parents could have easily afforded Columbia University if they had saved up instead of spending money on luxury goods for themselves.

It is hard for anyone to deny that the education of one's children (especially if they worked hard enough to get into an Ivy League University or a liberal arts equivalent like Amherst College or Williams College) is far more important than satisfying one's craving of luxury goods.