Smart and Soft-Spoken

Jacqueline Kennedy was known throughout all of
her social circles as being intelligent, and was a
graduate of a Sister College, the Ivy League
equivalent of her day for women (JFK once said that
he was attracted to her for her substance!), but she
still managed to speak in a way that was gentle,
elegant, and non-confrontational.

There seems to be many people who imagine smart women as being very confrontational, blunt, and aggressive and soft-spoken women as being or unintelligent or lacking education. Not all people think like that, but many people do. Many people think that one cannot strike a balance between being very intelligent and well-educated and being soft-spoken and of a gentle nature.

I think that the elegant woman would strike that balance.

In my brand of elegance and being ladylike, ladies are smart and confident. They are not content with simply sitting around, looking pretty with pearls hanging from their neck and perched on their earlobes. A lady, a true lady in the style of The Proper Lady blog, will always be seeking to improve her mind.

She can do this by studying hard in school and going to a university of good quality.

Or she can also do this by reading books, keeping up with current events, picking up a hobby that requires devotion and talent, and attending open lectures by renowned university professors or instructors.

Or she can do both of those things!

Either way she chooses to do it, a proper lady will always seek to be improving herself. She's never too smart or too accomplished to recognize that there's still a lot of room for improvement.

However, at the same time, she will recognize that not everyone has had the same resources and opportunities that she has. Although she may be reading about different places, studying maps and geography, reading music appreciation textbooks, or studying economics, she would never rub her newfound knowledge in someone else's face.

How to be smart and soft-spoken?

If you're in high school, study hard to earn good grades and, if you plan on attending a university, gain admission into a one of good quality. However, if the school that you choose to attend is considered to be very prestigious, do not rub it in the face of those who weren't so lucky in the admissions process. If you can get into a school like an Ivy League, Amherst, or University of Chicago, be proud and take full advantage of your university acceptance, but don't rub it in the face of someone who attends Northwestern University or James Madison University. Remember that there are no bad schools, just bad fits for certain people. (I have a good friend, Vicktor, who attends Harvard University. Although Harvard is the most prestigious of the prestigious, he's not enjoying it there at all because it's not a good fit for him, and he thinks that Columbia University might have been a better fit.)

Although you may have many interesting facts stored inside your beautiful head, don't indulge yourself in rattling them off to those who may be less knowledgeable. Although you may be well-intentioned and just think that they'd enjoy learning those things, your actions will only make them feel uncomfortable and insecure. They will probably enjoy learning those facts, but in their own time and not from you - you'll end up looking high and mighty.

Speak slower. People who speak quickly do so for two reasons: they are nervous or their thought process is faster than their speaking process. When you speak slower, you are showing respect for the people that you are talking to - you are showing that it is important to you that they can easily understand what you are trying to communicate. When you speak so fast that you are stuttering the entire way through, you are coming off as being ungraceful and uneducated.

I hope that all of you learn how strike the perfect and ideal feminine balance between being smart and being soft-spoken.

Pride Mixed With Achievement

"[Mr. Darcy's] pride," said Miss Lucas, "does not offend me so much as pride often does, because there is an excuse for it. One cannot wonder that so very fine a young man, with family, fortune, everything in his favor, should think highly of himself. If I may so express it, he has a right to be proud."
                    -Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice.

Have you ever met someone who seems to have all of the recommended qualities and traits of class (in the aristocratic sense)? Someone who went to an Ivy League institution or an elite liberal arts college (or international prestigious university like Oxford or Cambridge)? Someone who was well-versed in stereotypically classy sports like tennis, equestrianism, or sailing? Someone who was financially successful?

Now, have you ever met someone who had all of those qualities paired with a charming and incredibly apparent sense of humility? They had all of those qualities yet they were so humble and grateful for the blessings they've been given?

One of my most elegant girlfriends (I befriended her during our first semester as undergraduates together at Bryn Mawr) has a brother who has all of those qualities. We actually all went to the same high school in Virginia. They come from a long line of successful, intelligent, athletic, and musical lawyers. He is also a Yale Graduate and extraordinarily handsome. He was a few years ahead of me in high school and I remember having a conversation with him in the student lounge one day. I had heard about his acceptance into Yale and I said to him, "Congratulations on your Yale acceptance! You must be really proud." I will never forget what he said to me in response: "I'm very lucky."

You can imagine how much that response endeared him to me. It is understandable that someone as accomplished as he is with his background would be "proud" - however, he was and still is one of the most humble men that I have ever known.

He took his privileges and social advantages and instead of viewing himself as above those without them, he viewed himself as simply lucky and fortunate. I am fortunate enough to have many friends like him. See article: Being an Educated Woman Doesn't Mean You Can Be a Rude Woman.

Last night, I was speaking to my good friend, Emma, who lives in Ireland. We were speaking about Trinity College, Dublin, and how beautiful a university it is. I asked her if there's ever a sense of elitism about the students and she told me that there was some obvious pride because the students understand that their university is prestigious and a big part of their country's history, but that overall they are nice people.

We came to the conclusion that pride is not necessarily a bad thing as long as it is not taken to extremes. So what does that mean?

Feeling pride for one's family, one's background, and one's achievements isn't something to be ashamed of. There's nothing wrong with feeling pride, especially when you worked hard to earn something. If you worked hard to achieve something, then being proud can simply be the equivalent of being thankful and not taking what you have for granted.

The inappropriate extremes are when that pride turns to arrogance, elitism, or snobbery. You obviously have a right to be proud if you attend University of Chicago, as it's a very difficult school to gain admission into, but you do not have a right to look down on those from "lesser" schools or to fancy yourself above the students who attend Northwestern.

Your pride should be focused on a self-confidence and satisfaction derived from your own achievements, not on the shortcomings of those around you. Be content and proud of your own success, but do not boast, brag, or make those around you with less achievements feel self-conscious.

The ability to be extremely accomplished and make those around you feel even more accomplished than they really are might be the classiest skill of all and the one most worth being proud of.

Elegant Wedding Dresses

Hi Doves,

My favorite thing about The Proper Lady Online Facebook Community is that there, I have the chance to have conversations with multiple readers simultaneously in one place. My second favorite thing about the community is that I can gather together all of my favorite photos of elegant home interiors, elegant fashion, and other elegant things, and then share them with readers, allowing them to comment on them. One of my favorite things to gather photos of on the Facebook community is elegant weddings or, more specifically, wedding dresses.

Many women dream about their wedding dresses and their wedding from the time when they are children. For this reason, many women spend more time acquiring the perfect wedding dress than they do organizing the actual wedding ceremony and reception.

I am a hopeless romantic at heart (although I can come off as very practical and matter-of-fact to those who don't know me well) which means that I think that almost all wedding dresses are beautiful!

However, I also believe that not necessarily all wedding dresses are elegant. My hope is that you will find the perfect
wedding dress for you.

Let's look at examples of elegant wedding dresses, shall we?

Elegant Sleeveless and High-Neck Wedding Dresses
This is a pretty elegant style of wedding dress. I think it's because it's modest and tasteful due to the high-neck, yet at the same time, its lack of sleeves keeps it from looking too frumpy.

Here are a few other examples of this sort of wedding dress...

Another beautiful and modestly elegant dress by Justin Alexander.

More Justin Alexander.

I particularly adore this one by Justin Alexander.

I truly adore this dress by Alfred Angelo.

Dresses With Longer Sleeves
Women who are choosing to get married in a religious ceremony in a place of worship will often find the need to observe a modest dress code out of religious respect for the church/temple/synagogue. This dress code will often involve asking the women to wear longer sleeves. Because elegance is about respect and consideration for other people, long sleeves are on your wedding day are elegant!

Ian Stuart.

Let's not forget Grace Kelly's iconic dress! 

I could see a woman getting married in this dress
in a grand religious ceremony in a Cathedral.

The Duchess of Cambridge's wedding dress (right) has brought
modesty on wedding days back in style.

Remember that you can always put long sleeves onto a strapless dress with a Bolero:

Justin Alexander.

Elegant Modern Simplicity

Sometimes, what you really truly need in a wedding dress is modern and simple elegance. This style of wedding dress is good for your modestly tasteful second wedding (if you're going to have a large and festive wedding at all, it should be your first one) or for a wedding that takes place in a more relaxed environment (such as during a destination wedding). This type of wedding dress is also good if you simply just like the style of simple elegance (remember that elegant when it comes to fashion is about restraint and about remembering that "less is more"). 

Phillipa Lepley.

BHLDN. 

Flowing A-Lines
Flowing A-Lines give a bride that classic romantic wedding look that she imagines while also being flattering and timeless.

Justin Alexander.

Ian Stuart.

Ian Stuart.

How to Help Your Children to Study Successfully (by Guest Author Mike)

 This article was written by the guest author and the illustration was chosen by myself.

 Is your child putting in many hours of studying and still yielding poor results? Or are you the parent of a child who doesn't study at all? Not all children are gifted. Some lucky parents don't need to supervise at all as their child gets great grades without their guidance. As a parent, you have a responsibility towards your child's education. Your negligence may ruin your child's future. Your guidance and involvement will not only increase your child's interest in studies but will also make study time an enjoyable period. Help hone your child's basic studying skills by some simple steps.

Make a Nice Study Space

Set up a study area for your child in a quiet corner. This will not only help your child concentrate better, but will also prevent him or her from getting distracted. Provide your child with a desk and a comfortable chair. Make sure that he has all the things he needs within easy reach. Put up a couple of shelves if possible. Keep the area clean and uncluttered. Also see that he has proper lighting. Encourage your child to decorate the space himself. This will also give your child a sense of ownership.

Effective Time Management

Just as your child has time fixed for school, meals, play, and sleep, he should also have a time set for studying. Teach him how to manage his time properly and allot specific time for each task.You should make your child understand the importance of studying daily, not just during exam time. Help your child draw up a time table and follow it. Give your child short breaks during the study time. This will prevent your child from losing interest and getting bored.

Encourage Your Child to Question

If you don't know the answer to your child's question, don't feel embarrassed and rebuff the child. This kind of behavior can easily scare your child and prevents him from asking you any more questions. Remember, questioning is a vital part of learning and a child must learn to ask whatever is unclear to him. If you don't understand something, read his books yourself and then patiently explain them to your child. Clarify all his problems. Make things easier and simpler for your child. Avoid scolding as it can negatively impact your child.

Make Learning Fun

Make learning a fun time for both you and your child. Use visual aids to help your child understand better. Encourage your child to be creative when learning. Teach your child to read aloud as it speeds up the learning process. Also get your child to practice math daily.

Reward Your Child

Praise and reward your child for good performance. This will increase the motivation level of your child and make him strive harder.

Mike is a father of 2. As with any dad, Mike always looks for ideas to help his kids study. When he is not writing, Mike distributes action figures and outdoor toys.

Getting Started With Opera

An Opera House in Madrid, Spain.

Dedicated to a very dear and special reader from Australia: Jill, thank you so much for all of the support that you continue to give The Proper Lady. Best wishes from the U.S.

As many of my older readers already know, I am very passionate about opera. I love the music, the composers, the stories and plots, the architecture of the opera houses, and the majestic performers.

My love for opera has helped to strengthen my love for the European and British cultures that majorly contributed to opera and classical musicianship: Russia, Italy, Austria and Germany (the German language operas),  France, and England.

Despite my love for this great and wonderful art - a celebration of humanity - I have many friends who do not share this love, doves. Some of them believe opera to be "boring." Some of them believe opera to be snobby and, although they are open to the idea of taking enjoyment from opera, they do not know where to start.

I can understand that; after all, taking the plunge into opera can be very scary. It's such a large and complex world and it seems easy to get lost in it. If any of you are fascinated by the world of opera but are apprehensive about where to start, this article was written with you in mind. I hope that it helps you to gain exposure to an art form that I love very much. I am thankful that I am able to share this with you.

The Music

The Orchestra of the Opera, Edgar Dégas.

An opera wouldn't be an opera without its spectacular music. That's why the composers of particularly excellent operas always gain more credit than the writers (the people who write in the lines of the characters and the lyrics to the music, known as the "libretto").

A song in opera is known as an "aria." An "air" (sometimes appearing on sheet music published by traditionalist companies as an "ayre") is a tune or melody for voice or instrument. An "aria" is specifically an air for opera. An "arietta" is a short aria or "little aria."

The two most famous composers of opera are commonly agreed upon to be Giuseppe Verdi and Giacomo Puccini. However, many musicologists believe Verdi to be the greatest composer to have ever lived, not just of opera but of classical music as well.

However, there are intense devotees of both composers because their style is quite different. I tend to prefer Verdi because I love the majesty and power of his music with the loud set of minor chords. My fiancé prefers the deep melodious sensuality of Puccini's music (his favorite opera composer is Mozart, but just between Puccini and Verdi, he prefers Puccini). That being said, although my favorite composer overall is Verdi, my favorite opera of all time is Puccini's Madama Butterfly. Puccini composed my favorite opera but I prefer Verdi's general body of work as a whole.

Photo of Giuseppe Verdi.

Giuseppe Verdi was born October 10th, 1813 in Le Roncole, a village near Busseto. As a child, Verdi took many visits to a large local library belonging to the Jesuits and he got his first lessons in composition in Busseto. When Verdi turned twenty, he moved to Milan to continue his musical studies. While there, his musical studies comprised of taking private lessons and also attending German operas. Verdi's first opera was performed at the renowned Teatro alla Scalla in Milan. By the time of Verdi's death in January of 1901, he had produced 28 operas.

Photo of Giacomo Puccini.

Giacomo Puccini, renowned composer of La Boheme, Turadot, and Madama Butterfly, was born in Lucca in Tuscany on on December 22nd, 1958. The family he was born into had five generations of musical history behind them. His father died when he was five years old and upon his father's death, he was sent to live with his uncle. When Puccini was 17, he walked 17.5 miles with his brother Michele to see the performance of Verdi's Aida in Pisa. That was when he became inspired to be an opera composer. Puccini was a chain smoker of cigarettes and the occasional cigar. As a result of his habit, he became diagnosed with throat cancer after complaining of chronic sore throats at the end of 1923. His doctors recommended a new and experimental radiation treatment which was being offered in Belgium. Puccini died on November 29, 1924 after the treatment due to complications (uncontrolled bleeding after the surgery led to a fatal heart attack). The news of his passing reached the Italian capital during a performance of one of his most popular operas, La Boheme. Immediately, the opera was stopped and the orchestra began to play Chopin's Funeral March for a stunned audience.

Where To Start
There are a number of different operas that, despite being lesser known, are truly hidden gems. However, for someone with barely any opera experience or knowledge who'd like to expose themselves to this exquisite world and culture, starting out with the most famous operas is usually best.

Here are a list of some of the most famous operas that I recommend starting with:

• La Traviata (Composer: Verdi)
• The Magic Flute (Composer: Mozart)
• Don Giovanni (Composer: Mozart)
• Madama Butterfly (Composer: Puccini)
• Rigoletto (Composer: Verdi)
• La Boheme (Composer: Puccini)
• Turandot (Composer: Puccini)
• The Barber of Seville (Composer: Rossini)
• Eugene Onegin (Composer: Tchaikovsky)

La Boheme was the first opera I ever saw. I saw it with my now-fiancée when I was sixteen and when he was seventeen. I didn't enjoy it as much as the others, however it is one of the most famous operas and I believe that before judging something, it's important to expose oneself to it.

Editor's Note: Throughout the year, I will be creating separate pages for each of these recommended "starting operas" with arias and information that I think is useful. Check back later!

Healthy Skin

Photo taken from http://www.bhldn.com/index.cfm.

During my time writing this blog, I have enjoyed gradually learning to define what I believe the true meaning of beauty to be. For me, a beautiful woman is one with grace, graciousness, virtue, self-confidence, kindness, and warmth. That's why my articles on physical beauty have been centered more on praising healthy feminine forms (bodies that are fit, healthy, yet still feminine versus simply skinny bodies that lack curves or bodies that are too muscular), shiny healthy hair, clean teeth, radiance, and healthy skin.

See the section on Feminine Beauty.

I would like to devote this article on healthy skin, a cornerstone of what The Proper Lady sees as being physically beautiful (it is consistent with my view that physical health is physical beauty).

When I was younger, I had horrible skin. I never had acne (I'm thankful for that) but I still had bumps and red spots everywhere. It was a pain for me to take care of it - my makeup wouldn't settle on my skin properly, I tried every single Neutrogena system there was, and I always felt unhygienic (having oily skin made caring for skin and wearing makeup a challenge).

Today however, despite still having an oily skin type, my skin is almost perfectly clear and perfectly even (the occasional bump does show up once in a while).

If you want to achieve healthy skin, how should you go about it?

Firstly, I will say that a dermatologist is your friend. If you have particularly troublesome skin, I recommend finding a dermatologist that you trust (and that other people trust) and then sticking to them. There are many prescription treatments for acne that they can look into for you.

However, if you do not have troublesome skin and you simple want to maintain it and keep it looking healthy, then follow a good regimen. At the least, you should wash your skin twice a day, make sure to never go to bed with makeup, apply moisturizer with SPF 15 minimum every morning before you leave the house, tone your skin after washing it with a gentle alcohol-free toner, and scrub at least once a week.

Of course, depending on your skin type, there will be little alterations to the regimen that I have just written out.

For example, I have oily skin that's not in the least bit sensitive. I make absolutely certain that my moisturizer is oil-free (and sometimes mattifying to keep my skin dry) and instead of scrubbing once a week, I scrub every day with a gentle scrub. I was on a prescription cream for my skin at first and it cleared it up very nicely. I've gone off the prescription today and use the regimen to maintain it.

If someone has dry skin, then they can use moisturizer with oil or also use a night cream. They will scrub once a week (maybe even less often).

If someone has normal skin, then they can scrub once every few days and moisturize as needed.

A few products I like for myself with my skin type are right here (however many of them are good products for all skin types as you'll see):

Face Soaps

• Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser

This is a very simple mild formula. It's also very gentle. My mother has very sensitive skin and she uses this and adores it.

• Clinique Mild Facial Soap Bar

All of us have our own preference. If you don't like liquid face soap and prefer a bar, this is a good one. It's also mild without any allergens or scent. I've used it in the past and liked it very much - I just prefer a liquid soap for myself. Both clean you very well without irritating your skin so use whatever suits you.

Facial Toners

• Neutrogena Alcohol-Free Toner

This is a very good, refreshing, non-irritating toner. I like it a lot. It has a nice scent.

• L'Oréal Hydrafresh Toner

I like this toner a lot. Both are the best toners that I've tried. Both are non-irritating, refreshing, toning, and nice-smelling.

Moisturizers

• Aveeno Ultra-Calming Moisturizer

This is a very nice, calming, and soothing moisturizer. I like how it's more natural and how the (barely discernible) scent is very clean. I use this moisturizer when my skin seems a bit dry. It dries up nicely and is good under makeup.

• Clean & Clear Finishes Mattifying Moisturizer

This, I use on my oily skin days. It still moisturizes (although it doesn't feel as moisturizing as the Aveeno because of its mattifying capabilities) and gives me a very matte and even look. It looks great under makeup and keeps the shine away (which is good for cosmetic purposes) and also keeps the oil away (which is good for hygienic and healthy skin purposes). It does leave behind a whitish film so keep that in mind if you don't plan on wearing makeup over it.

Scrubs

• Bioré Detoxifying Daily Scrub

I really love this scrub. I can't find a single bad thing to say about it and it's also quite inexpensive. The beads are large enough to remove dead skin and bring out a fresh glow, but it's non-irritating and it doesn't dry out your skin. 

• Aveeno Skin Brightening Daily Scrub

This is a pretty good scrub however the beads are very, very small and so the scrub is very, very gentle. I personally prefer the Bioré for myself because when I scrub, I want to be able to feel like I'm scrubbing. However, on days when my skin is dry, I prefer to use this Aveeno. I recommend starting with this if you have sensitive skin but want to scrub more than once a week.

Editor's Note: I have heard from a reader that Dermatologists recommend nothing lower than SPF 30 for casual everyday use. I am not a Dermatologist and I do not pretend to be one. Before starting any new regimen, verify it with them. No matter how much I research these articles before I write them, my work on a specific topic will never be greater than the advice of someone who has an advanced degree in that same topic.

Elegant Wedding Locations

Today, I found myself thinking about elegant wedding locations. What are some of The Proper Lady's favorite locations for elegant wedding ceremonies?

1) A Lush Vineyard

A great choice for wine lovers or outdoor enthusiasts - a creative and unique chose for a domestic wedding and a rustic-elegance one for a destination wedding in Europe.

2) A Rustic Private Garden

Something elegant yet at the same time, modest in its own chic way, is a wedding in a beautiful rustic garden. To find this photo, I searched for an English Garden. A photo in an English Garden is tasteful English Elegance at its finest!

3) A Place of Worship (Or Any Place With Personal Spiritual Significance)

St. Vitus Cathedral in Prague, Czech Republic.

I believe that a wedding ceremony held anywhere that resonates with you will be elegant. That's why your place of worship or a place of spiritual significance will be a wonderful place to have an elegant wedding. Gathering your family in your church, mosque, temple, synagogue, etc. or taking a trip to a more famous religious center would be both appropriate and lovely for your wedding. 

See article: Religious Respect

4) A Social Club That You're Connected To (Or a Club That Holds Sentimental Value For You)

Members of The Penn Club of New York, a club designed for those associated with the
University of Pennsylvania to gather, offer the resources needed for members to hold events.

If you're a member of a social club, you are already associated with a good place to hold a wedding. Many old universities have their own social clubs throughout the United States (and, in the case of an Ivy League university, throughout the world). Being a member of a social club gives you a good venue to hold a wedding because the club (depending on the status) will help to organize the event for you. 

A good friend of mine held her coming out party at the Harvard Club in New York City and the club really helped to make the event flawless. See article: The Débutante.

This type of venue is especially elegant if you are connected to the university club (example: getting married at the Harvard Club if you graduated from Harvard or Wellesley, or getting married at the Penn Club if you graduated from Penn or Bryn Mawr). If you are, then it holds a sentimental value for you (and for your good friends from university who may be invited). 

If you are not associated with the university and just want to hold your wedding at the Princeton Club to say that you held your wedding at the Princeton Club, then it no longer counts as an elegant wedding location and would instead be defined as a gaudy, elitist, and pretentious wedding location. Tread carefully.

Editor's Note: There are many non-academic social clubs that offer just as good wedding venues, but they were not mentioned because I unfortunately am not familiar enough with them to write about them. I only have experience with academic ones. However, if you are interested in holding an event at a social club but do not have any academic connections to hold one at an academic one, Google is your friend. 

5) On The Beach

A wedding on a tropical beach in Thailand.

Weather permitting, a beach is always a peaceful and lovely wedding location. It's memorable yet it's also beautiful. 

6) In a Hotel That You Personally Think Is Beautiful

The Four Seasons Hotel in Budapest, Hungary

Just like social clubs, hotels offer resources that make planning and holding an event easier and more convenient for you. The locations can also be visually exciting! And, if the hotel is in an interesting location, your guests will also have a new place to explore and fascinating things to do.

7) A Plantation

Oak Valley Plantation in Vacherie Louisiana, United States.

A classic and popular choice for Southern belles looking for classic Southern Elegance on their wedding day.

8) A Historical Mansion

Like hotels and social clubs, historical sites with pleasing aesthetics will also usually have the resources needed for throwing a fantastic event with ease.

You may be interested in our section on weddings.

Proper Ladies Against Fascinating Womanhood

I've noticed something very terrifying, ladies and gentlemen: many of us are still stuck in the 1950's and believe that to be a good wife, one must be a Stepford Wife and act like a silly child, and that to be a lady, one must feign helpless. 


I have been writing The Proper Lady for more than two years now and although I am too humble (and inexperienced) to consider myself to be an expert on things related to manners, deportment, elegance, class, taste, and elegant human relations, I do believe that I have been writing long enough to be sure in my personal views on elegance. I may not have all of the knowledge in the world and I may not have read enough sources to support my views, however surely I do have them. 


So, what are my views when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage? What do I believe in? 


I believe in making my fiancé delicious home-cooked meals not because I have to or because it's my job but because I want to and it makes me happy to make him happy. As a matter of fact, it's not that I believe in making him home-cooked meals, but that I believe in doing nice things for him just because! 


I believe in asking my fiancé how his day went when we speak on the phone not because I don't know how his day went (it always went "fine") but because I want him to know that I care.


I believe in standing up for myself if I am wronged and speaking openly about it if my fiancé has unknowingly offended me instead of "holding my tongue", however I also believe that there is a respectful way to tell him that he offended me and a disrespectful way to tell him that he offended me (especially since I know that he didn't mean it!). 

We are Proper Ladies, not Stepford Wives!

So, now you know what I do believe in. What don't I believe in? 


Pouting, stomping away and crying, "I'll never talk to you again!" when you don't get what you want. This is something that Fascinating Womanhood and Fascinating Womanhood courses emphasize.

Treating a man like he's a simpleminded child. This is something that Fascinating Womanhood emphasizes. The original Fascinating Womanhood book tells readers that our husbands are basically children who need to be controlled and obliged. How disrespectful to our wonderful men! Our men are not boys, they are men. They are capable and they need not be treated like children and how vulgar for someone to suggest it.

Not being able to do anything yourself. Sure, all blogs and sites on elegance and class are different, but ladies, there are no weaklings here on The Proper Lady! My brand of elegance emphasizes intelligence, education, and capability. Fascinating Womanhood and its courses say that a woman should not be seen doing more "masculine" tasks and that they should ask a man to help them because if not, they will hurt their attractiveness. What nonsense! Sure, I'll admit that I am guilty of having once feigned inability to open a jar so that I could ask my fiancé to do it for me, however that was not to seem more attractive, but because being the workaholic that I have always known him to be (we met in junior high and even at the age of 14, he was always working), he hadn't left his office for 11 hours straight and I wanted an excuse to see his face and hear his voice. The horror if any of my capable readers is married to a farmer and takes the advice of Fascinating Womanhood by refusing to help out with the labor of her family's livelihood for fear of seeming "unattractive" or "unladylike"!

Racism. I definitely do not believe in racism and I do not abide by it here on The Proper Lady or in its respective communities.


Here on The Proper Lady, my goal is to form myself (and anyone who visits and so desires) into a woman of grace, class, elegance, femininity, intelligence/education, competence, loveliness, culture, and strength. I do believe in doing nice things for our men just to show that we care (not because we are women and they are men, but simply because we are romantic partners and they are our romantic partners). I do believe that being feminine helps with being elegant. 


However, I do not believe that to be feminine, one must be sneaky/tricky (as Fascinating Womanhood programs, books, and courses encourage), dumb, or weak. You can be loving, lovely, and nurturing (what I emphasize on The Proper Lady) without being submissive, weak, empty-headed, or a doormat (what Fascinating Womanhood emphasizes). Here on The Proper Lady, we support feminine strength!


So, in conclusion, Proper Ladies do not abide by Fascinating Womanhood because not only does it degrade ourselves, but it degrades the men that we love, cherish, and adore. We have a commitment to being smart, well-educated, cultured, knowledgeable, talented, well-rounded, elegant conversationalists, lovely, graceful, feminine, kind, and elegant, and we have a commitment against those who try to make us into silly, tricky, and sneaky doormats.